labs

our lab tests came back normal! it took over a month to get A's SA results back but his count and motility are both excellent and all of my blood tests are within normal range. this means we get to start clomiphene in a few weeks. i'm so excited that i can't help but talk about it with anyone & everyone, so just tell me to shut it if I'm being super annoying.

talking about this whole process has been very cathartic for me, but i'm starting to worry that if i don't get pregnant i'm going to feel like an ass for telling everyone, not to mention all the people who know that we're trying (blogosphere included). i'm so entrenched and obsessed with this that i can't not talk about it. ugh... i need to stop thinking in what-ifs and stay mindful of the present.

my father-in-law is visiting us this weekend. there's a gun show in cedar rapids & he's apparently in the arms trade now. last night we were talking about kid stuff & started teasing him about his future grandkid(s). i really didn't think we'd EVER talk to him about any of this but it just came out & he wasn't judgemental or Ed-like in anyway. unless we adopt a black baby, then we're no longer part of the family (yay, racism *sigh*).

i've decided to take the postpartum doula course through Childbirth International (anyone know if this is a good program?). the course is $430 and i'm thinking of starting in the fall, but i just found out that i can do payments. i've read a lot of the required reading books already and i've become insatiable for pregnancy, childbirth & breastfeeding books. i love mamas and babies.

my mood has been exponentially better these days. counseling has really been my saving grace this year & i can't imagine i'd be doing so well without it. i'm deeply happy for the first time in years & i'm just so full of love for the world. so cheesy but true.

so, good news all around these days!